Four
by varna1966
Summary: At Garcia's urging Reid does a repeat performance of physics magic only this time the timing is off and Aaron hits bumps his head. For Britcom fans yes nod to my fav.  Purely for laughs.  Please review.


Four

"Oh, c'mon Reid. We need a laugh."

Reid sighed and laid the computer tablet down. His laptop was handy and comfortable. The tablet he finally but reluctantly taken had been worse than rooming with the star quarterback. He'd come to Garcia for some confidential help. Immediately she campaigned for him to do his physics magic.

"Garcia, I beat the odds the last time. Hotch had a rare moment of humor—"

"Ah, Reid pleeeeaaase."

In a short time Garcia had talked him into doing an encore performance. Garcia sprinted to the bull pen. By the time he reached his desk she had Emily, Morgan and a couple of clericals whose names he didn't remember. They hung back but his teammates where right at his desk. Despite his internal critic nagging him this was a bad idea he smiled back at the group and allowed himself to get caught up in the moment.

"Okay, turn around. I must have privacy to make sure the trick works. Go on." With mock protest the group did and Reid dove into his private stash of magic periphernial hidden in the back of his desk drawer. Once he had the cap, frizz tablet and used his cold coffee to activate in place he bounced in his chair and shouted, "Now, now! Turn around now!"

The group did in time to see the cap launch. Reid watched as if seeing in slow motion then felt as if he was caught in slow motion as the cap arced up then down and squarely into the face of Special Supervisor Agent Aaron Hotchner just as the group had let out a great cheer. Before they could gasp Hotchner lost his balance and fell into a stack of file boxes heading for storage or shredding. He floundered trying not to hit the floor but did with a loud thud and then was covered by boxes and their contents.

For a moment no one including Hotchner moved. When he moaned the group converged on him. Prentiss and Garcia knelt on each side of him. Reid and Morgan took positions just behind the ladies. All others faded into the shadows.

Hotchner moaned. The two women assisted him into a sitting position. He held his head in both hands. Garcia twisted around and slapped Reid's thigh. "You've killed him."

Reid flinched but before he could say anything Morgan edged between the pair. "Baby Girl calm down. Hey, Hotch, you okay?"

In answer Hotchner gave him a puckered frown.

"Hotch?" Garcia looked on the verge of tears.

"Man, Reid you have done it now." Morgan shook his head and took a step away. Despite himself Reid cringed.

Hotchner leaned into Garcia. "My head has a boo-boo. " He looked accusingly at Reid. "Did he hit me?" He stuck out his tongue. Morgan burst into laughter and had to duck away.

Reid somehow managed to go a shade paler than his normal. Garcia gasped. Prentiss gaped.

"He hit me! He hit me!" Hotchner pointed his finger at Reid and pounded his feet on the floor.

"Ssshhh, no, ssshhh, Aaron, Reid didn't hit you." Prentiss put her hands on his shoulders. "Hotchner it was an accident."

Hotchner sniffed and turned to Prentiss. "Accident?"

"Yes, of course an accident. Reid is your friend and co-worker."

"What's a co-worker?" All froze including Morgan who had regain a small measure of composure and returned to the group. "Is a co-worker a bully? Coz he's a bully coz he hits people when they aren't looking and ain't bothering him—"

"Aaron…" Prentiss frowned. "Aaron are you serious?"

"Don't I look serious?" With that he made an exaggerated frown.

"Ah, yes…Well a co-worker is someone you work with at your job."

"Job! I can't have a job. I haven't went to school yet. Dontcha hafta go to school to have a job? OhOh!" Hotchner bounced on the floor. "Are we playing job?" He scooched closer to Prentiss. "I want to play job with you."

"Play?"

"You be my co-worker."

"Omigod Reid you broke him!" Garcia leapt up and pushed Reid.

"Ow! Garcia! I didn't. He shouldn't be—We got to call paramedics."

"He did hit me!" Hotchner scrambled up and at Reid. Prentiss, Garcia and Morgan got between him and the doctor.

"Hotch I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Honestly."

Hotchner looked at both the women who nodded.

"Hotch honey he said he was sorry so he meant it." Garcia bit her bottom lip waiting for his response.

"Okay." Hotchner huffed.

"Thank you Garcia. Hotch we are going to take you to the doctor—"

"NONONONONONONO!" Iwon'tgoIwon't goIwon'tgo! I'll run away. I'll tell my mommy!"

"What is going on out here?" The group turned to see David Rossi striding toward them.

Morgan summed up the situation. "Reid's physics magic backfired and caused Hotch to hit his head and now he's a pre-schooler."

"What?"

"I'm four." Hotchner help up four fingers then wrapped his arm around Prentiss's shoulders. "We're playing co-worker. But he," Hotchner japed his finger at Reid who jumped a little, "won't let us play. I'm gonna tell my mommy."

"Your mommy, eh?"

"Yes my mommy."

For a moment Rossi eyes narrowed and he studied Hotchner. "Are there cameras rolling?"

"Sorry Rossi no cameras. Hotchner really—er—well—"

"Nobody calls me Hotchner. My name is Aaron but everybody calls me Alfalfa."

"Oooookay. Let's stick to Aaron for now. I think we need to get him to his office Rossi."

Aaron stuck out his lip. "I don't have an office."

Garcia came to Emily's rescue. "Of course you do honey. Its your playroom up there."

His eyes got wide. "I have a playroom here?"

"You sure do."

"Wow. You wanna play with me and brown eyes." He turned to Prentiss. "I'm gonna call you Brown Eyes and you Cheeks coz I like your face."

"Ah," Reid swallowed, "Aaron, can Morgan and I come to play too?"

"I-don't-want-to-play-with-YOU." He stuck out his tongue again. "You're mean."

"Aaron." Hotchner turned his attention to Rossi. "You have to let the boys play too. Garcia, Prentiss go ahead and show Aaron his playroom. You two stay here and clarify a couple of points for me."

Aaron grabbed Garcia hand-still had a hold of Prentiss—and pulled them toward the stairs. Prentiss looked on the verge of mortification. Garcia was trying to get into the spirit.

"Okay you two exactly how did this come about?"

Reid tried to explain (and Morgan tried not to laugh) but grew more disjointed with every phrase. Rossi threw up his hands in surrender. "Rossi we've got to get him to the hospital or doctor or get paramedics—"

"I don't think so. He doesn't want to go. Rather vocal about that. Paramedics rushing in would scare a four year old half to death."

"Rossi he is not a four year old!"

"Look Reid, he isn't dizzy, nauseated, or incoherent. Let's just give him some time to…grow up. I have a feeling this will all work out." The young doctor started to protest but Rossi stopped him. "Now wait. If he gets worse or exhibits any real signs of trauma or if it goes past 24 hours then we'll get him medical attention. Or do you relish the idea of filling out the incident reports, explaining to Straus why we had to take your boss to the emergency room?"

Both Reid and Morgan cringed. "No, but he shouldn't be acting this way."

"Trust me he just needs a little time to work this out. Now let's go and help 'Brown Eyes' and 'Cheeks.' Hemmm."

"Wha-what now?"

"Well, Dr. Reid I was just wondering what nickname he was going to give you seeing you are such a bully."

"Ha! Reid my man you are deep in the smelly."

"I think I'd rather face Straus."

The trio made their way to Hotchner's "playroom" to find another trio sitting on the floor playing a rather haphazard game of patty cake. Hotchner was clearly having a grand time, Garcia was getting caught up in it but poor Prentiss was floundering. She looked to her co-workers begging for rescue and even mouthed, "Help."

"Hey mister!" Aaron twisted around to Rossi. "Hey mister, when's my mommy coming to get me?"

"She is very busy. What's the matter? Don't you like playing with Emily and Penelope?"

"Penelope!" He turned back around to Garcia. "Pee-nell-Oooooo-peeee! That's a fun name. Penelope, Penelope my Penelope."

Reid put a death grip on Rossi's arm. "We have got to get him to the H-O-S-P-I-T-A-L."

Aaron scrambled up and ran over to them. Reid barely stopped himself from ducking behind Rossi. "Ah, gee Skinny, it's okay. I'm not sore anymore. Come and play with me 'n' Brown Eyes 'n' Penelope. You too!" He grabbed both Reid and Morgan.

"Rossi!" Reid squeaked. His eyes were so wide Rossi wondered how they stayed in the sockets.

"Ah Skinny he don't wanna play. He's a grown up."

"Er-ah, Naptime. Isn't it time for a nap?" Reid made an elaborate yawn. "I could sure use a nap."

"Nonsense Reid-excuse me Skinny, go play. Plenty of time later for a nap."

Reid's face fell and he looked as if he'd been handed over to the bad guys by the hero of the movie. "Rossi, Pleeeeeeease."

"Your show, you deal with it. Aaron I need Pren-Brown Eyes and Morgan to come with me. Penelope and Skinny will play with you. "He turned to Reid. "Right?"

Reid didn't answer but merely gapped at him.

Prentiss was at Rossi's side and eyeing the door. Morgan went over to her on the way slapping the doctor on the back and nearly sending him to the floor. "Hang in there kid."

The pair headed out the door with Rossi following them stopping only long enough to say, "You three play nice together. I expect the older children to keep the younger one out of trouble."

"Are you calling my mommy?" Aaron locked his gaze on Rossi's. In a very serious voice he said, "Because my mommy always comes to get me."

Rossi smiled and winked. "I know. You've told me that many times in the past. I know exactly what your mother has done. Now go have fun."

"Thank you." A shadow of adult Hotchner was there and Reid looked hopeful then his hope was dashed. "Whatta we gonna play?" He tugged Reid over to Garcia and then pulled him down to the floor. Reid rubbed his bad knee. "Cops? Cowboys?" He leaned into Garcia. "House?"

"Oh no!"

"Reid, what's wrong with house?"

"Not that." Reid pulled a face and jerked a thumb at Hotchner. Garcia squinted and shrugged. Reid rolled his eyes. "His ankle. His special ankle."

Suddenly she understood and looked at Hotchner's ankle. His ankle holster with pistol was strapped in its usual place. "Yeah, so not a good toy for a four year old."

"What are you guys talking about? What's wrong with my ankle? Hey!" Reid and Garcia had both lunged at his leg. Hotchner scowled at Reid. "Are you gonna hit me again?"

"No, of course not. Aaron, I can't explain but you really need to let us see your ankle."

"Am I hurt?"

"No, and we want to keep it that way. Put that leg in my lap buster."

Immediately Hotchner did just that.

"Wow Garcia, you're good with kids. Maybe I should leave—"

"Sit right there. You aren't leaving me with a 6'2" 4 year old." She handed the gun to Reid who scrambled up and put it in Hotchner's desk.

Hotchner wasn't happy. "That was my toy."

"It isn't a toy sweetie. Now don't pout. We'll find better toys. Right Spence?"

"I got cards, dice and chess—"

"Dice?"

"Mathematical probabilities—"

"Never mind."

"I want to play pirate. You can be a pirate queen and he can be a parrot and I'll be the hero."

"I don't think that is a good idea."

"You don't want to be a parrot."

"Garcia what do 4 year olds like to do?"

"Watch SpongeBob? I don't know."

"That is it. We do what all the other parents do and let the television babysit him."

"Reid! Oh look you've made him pout."

Hotchner buried his head against Garcia's shoulder. "He's mean. He don't like me."

Garcia patted his back and cooed. "Yes he does. He's not mean he…just hasn't had his snack. You want a snack?"

Hotchner popped up. "Cookies? Chocolate chip cookies?"

"You are in luck. I made a batch last night and have tin full."

Hotchner began chanting "Cookies."

"Garcia, go get the cookies."

"Is a sugar buzz wise?"

"Research has shown that children actually react to the expectations of the adults—Yes, I think cookies are a good idea. Anything—"he turned to Hotchner, "If you calm down."

Hotchner made a zip up lip move and clapped his hands. He leaned to Garcia and whispered "Cookies."

Garcia made a temporary escape to get the cookies leaving Reid to entertain Aaron who looked expectedly at him.

"Do you like magic?"

Hotchner's head bobbed up and down in answer. Reid ran through his whole repertoire of sleight of hand tricks then had to repeat them when Garcia returned with the cookies and juice then selected ones when the mood hit Hotchner. "Do it again! Do it again," usually meant pulling a quarter out of his ear.

To spare Reid they played Go Fish and colored. Finally Rossi came back to see what progress Hotchner had made. His baby sitters left him coloring a drawing Reid had done for him. "Kinda funny looking but I like you now. I'll fix it with colors."

Rossi pulled them aside. "Here, face me so he can't see you guys talking to me. Well, how is he?"

"Well, sir, Reid and I have good news and bad news."

"Good news?"

Garcia nodded. "Hotch has definitely aged mentally."

Rossi leaned over and looked at Hotchner coloring. "Practically in law school."

"That's the bad news." Reid cleared his throat. "At this rate Jack will be out of law school and set up his own practice before Hotch is an adult."

"Hmmm that is something we didn't' think about. Jack can't see him like this. Imagine explaining to the kid his daddy is the same age he is. And we can't ask Jesse to babysit both especially not a 6 footer. I'll call her and explain. You two figure out which one of you gets him tonight."

Both cried out "What?" and then "I can't" at the same time.

"Maybe both of you should take him home."

"Shouldn't we take him to a doctor now?"

Rossi patted Reid's shoulder. "You are a doctor."

Before he could protest the sound of chaos erupted from downstairs.

"Where's Hotch?"

At Rossi's question Garcia and Reid spun around. Hotchner's coloring was abandoned. They turned and looked at each other sheer panic reflected on their faces. Another wave of squeals boomed from below. In unison they shouted:

"Hotchner!"

The trio headed for the door opening just in time to see Hotchner run by.

"She's it. Aieee!"

Just behind him taking the stairs two at a time was Prentiss yelling, "Hotch, Hotch."

"Can't catch me," he yelled back and dashed down the opposite stairs.

Hotchner was making another lap and was heading once more for the far stairs when he saw Morgan bounding up them. Hotchner stopped just out of reach and back pedaled the other way when he turned right into Prentiss's grip. Before he could react Morgan had grabbed him. The pair forced him back into his office.

Garcia leaned out the door and announced, "And that concludes today's refresher on chasing an unsub in a building."

She slammed the door.

Hotchner was standing in front of Rossi waving his fist and stomping his feet. "That was cheating. He cheated. I want to go home. I'm hungry. I don't want to stay."

"Well for now you have to stay. "

"Nononononono."

"Aaron Hotchner that is enough. You sit down on the couch and think about how you were behaving?" Garcia pointed to the couch.

"Whaaaaat? Ah, that's not fair. They were running too."

"Now buster." Hotchner dropped his lip and stomped over to the couch and flopped down. He crossed his arms and stuck out his tongue at Morgan. "I said that was enough."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, Garcia that settles that. You take him home. Reid, go with her and help."

"Me?"

"Yes. Both of you. Aaron what if Penelope and Skinny take you for a Happy Meal? Promise to be a good boy?"

His eyebrows shot up. "Promise? I promise. Promise?"

"Of course."

"Yesyesyes. I'm hungry. Let's go now." Garcia and Reid looked back at Rossi in utter disbelief and in Reid's case terror. "Please I'm starving. I'll be good."

In the end the pair had to give in.

"I still think a trip to the hospital would be better."

"This is more psychological than physical. Just have a little patience. Or I can call Strauss. Didn't think so. Enjoy your meal."

Hotchner expressed great disappointment in going through the drive thru. "If we go in and eat we can play in the ball pit or pretend to be giant radioactive hamsters or I bet I can climb up to the top and get in the race car."

"That is what I am afraid of." Reid dropped his face into his hand overwhelmed by the image of Hotchner two stories up hanging in a mock up of a race car with him and Garcia trying to coax him down and keep the manager from calling the police.

So rather than go in they circled around to the far end of the parking lot, Garcia made sure the child locks were engaged (which is why they took one of the SUV's) and they proceeded to argue over which apartment to use.

"Spence I've got oodles of stuff and my computers."

"Computers? Can I play games?" Hotchner popped his head from the backseat.

"Garcia, I've got all my books and DVD's."

"Do you have the SpongeBob movie?"

"REID!"

"GARCIA!"

"We'll flip for it." As Hotchner had all of Reid's quarters Garcia dug through her purse and produced one. Reid grabbed it to flip.

Just as he did Hotchner blurted out, "This is so exciting."

Reid dropped the quarter and Garcia won by default. "Your place doctor."

Said doctor scowled at Garcia and Hotchner. "He tears up one of my books you spank him."

"Why me?"

"I just can't."

When they reached Reid's place Hotchner demanded ice cream. "I've been good."

Then he demanded more magic tricks and jokes (to the point Garcia got on the internet) and then television. Reid shoved Garcia at him while he searched for a DVD appropriate for a forty something 4 year old kid. He settled on the Star Trek restart Garcia had given him for his birthday.

Hotchner sat on the floor eating ice cream and popcorn. Garcia and Reid collapsed on the couch.

"Where does he get the energy?"

Garcia patted Reid's knee and laid her head back. "A dozen cookies, a kiddie meal, ice cream and the world is new and exciting."

Had the pair not been so tired they might have seen Hotchner suddenly straighten or heard "So it is."

Quietly Hotchner got off the floor and took his bowls to the kitchen. At the doorway he stopped and looked at his problem children both sound asleep on the couch, heads lulled together. He was tempted to wake them up like Jack did him but, no, he'd put them through enough. For now. So instead he slipped out the apartment using the spare key Reid entrusted to him after Gideon left ("I've no one else Hotch.") and locked them in safely. In the hallway he called Rossi.

"You ready?"

"Yes. And Rossi, bring some pink stuff. I am going to have to spend a day in the gym."

"Oh I don't know Aaron. That game of tag was energetic."

"Ouch. Yeah. Did you explain to them?"

"Not yet. I figured they needed to stew a little as well. Of course Emily will want to get even. Now given I've went along with this care to fill-in the details?"

"Fair enough. Let's get some food, real food."

Twenty minutes later Rossi and Hotchner were seated in a chain restaurant wannabe diner.

"Know what you want?"

"Coffee, cheeseburger-hold the extras-fries and slaw. Rossi? My treat."

"Same but load my burger down."

After she poured their coffee and retreated Rossi gave Hotchner a questioning look.

"You know how I feel about my team. Well, then you understand that Garcia and Reid are the pre-schoolers of this little family. Both can be impulsive especially Garcia, both have a habit of latching on an idea and running with it. Garcia thought up that little diversion and then had no difficulty in talking Reid into going along."

"Okay Hotch I get they are the problem children."

"Not really. But dear lord I was furious at both of them and pretty mad at my older children Prentiss and Morgan for a few seconds then decided they needed to learn a lesson."

"So you faked the second childhood. Think they've learned that lesson?"

"Don't know but I did. By the way when were you certain I was in control?"

"First time you said your mother was coming to get you. I may be grandpa in this little group but I still have my memory. You told me how your nanny or housekeeper always picked you up from school, doctors and such. Four year old Aaron Hotchner would not have asked for his mother."

"I had to be sure you had. Ah, me."

"What lesson did you learn Aaron?"

"We spend so much time together and so much of that time is spent studying the worst of what humans can and will do. All that time in the darkness and I fear at times that is all we will remember of each other. We use to laugh and horse around in between, relieve the oppressive nature of the job. Then I remembered Hallie making me promise I would not forget to laugh and that I would teach Jack to laugh, to play and that it was okay to do that. Today I learned it is okay for me as well."

"Finally. Aaron I was getting worried about you. So think the children have had enough?"

"Not quite yet. Just because I'm better doesn't mean I'm not mad. I thought you might help."

"A little more squirming to drive home the point. I like it."

"Dave one of the things I've come to appreciate about you is your dark sense of humor. I knew I could count on you." At that point the waitress sat their platters down.

"Why thank you. Let's plan after we eat."

"Agreed. There isn't much to a kiddie meal." He pulled a mini action figure out of his pocket and placed it on the table. "But the toys are fun."


End file.
